god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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