GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
