Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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