Im at strip club and am horny
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's blow job season.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
