did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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