I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
