I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
