Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
