Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
