Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
