I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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