Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize
