I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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