I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
