operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
