My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
