Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
