thus making me awesome and them whores
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
