You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
