well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
