I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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