It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
