Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
