I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
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You're a waste of cheezeits
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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