Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i already hear my dad disowning me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
