This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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