you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im holly from the hills drunk
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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