your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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