I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
