Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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