You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
