Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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