My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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