i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
