I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My pussy is not your playground.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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