I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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