I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
