I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
