wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
