Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its not stalking. its research.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
