i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
