pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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