billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You should frame my arrest warrant.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
