i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
