My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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