i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
