Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
