I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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