thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
