I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Bring me that man meat
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
