you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
