The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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