...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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