just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
