so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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