He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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