it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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