u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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