Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
