I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
