your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
