omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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