Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
