we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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