woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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