I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
