she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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