Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
