Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
