Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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