My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
