So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
