Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
