38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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