he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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