oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
