we have pet lesbian snakes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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